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Who would win in a brawl between Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Van Dam, or Steven Segal ? |
Who would win in a brawl between Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Van Dam, or Steven Segal ? Chuck Norris hands down. Facts you never knew about Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong. Chuck Norris once pulled a bus full of school children teetering over the edge of a cliff back onto the road with his bare hands, saving everybody inside. Even as they cheered, he screamed, "I'm not your savior!" and headbutted the bus over the edge, sending them all to their horrible doom. Steven Segal. Why? He'd been standing back watching everyone else kick each others butts. When everyone else is beaten up, he'd jump in and take the credit! Bruce, cuz they had to shoot him to kill him. depends on what the director decides. Yip Man none needed. Chuck Norris. :-) |
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